Why I Don’t Take Medication for My Anxiety
Anxiety , Mental Health / December 11, 2018

I have disclosed in a previous post (my review of multiple anxiety relief methods, you can view it here), that I do not use medication for my anxiety. There are a lot of different opinions on whether or not medication should be taken for anxiety, and to what extent. Before I begin, I just want to say that every person is different. What works for me may not work for someone else. My experience will be different than anyone else’s, and not everyone will share my views on this. That is okay. I am not asking for you to submit to my viewpoints, I just want to share what my experience has been and give the reasons for not taking medication. I found alternate opinions extremely helpful when I was first trying to navigate the world of mental health, and I also would like you to get to know me a little bit better. My Experience with Anxiety Medication: It was in January of 2018 that I first went to the doctor for my anxiety. I had been told by my counselor at the time that it may help me to stay in school, and to work through my feelings for the…

A Letter to My Anxiety
Anxiety , Mental Health , Uncategorized / December 10, 2018

Dear Anxiety,  Since you happen to be around for 99% of my day, I figured it was time that I addressed you directly. I used to hate you with a burning passion. You stole my life. You took me from a fiesty, independent woman with great opportunities ahead of me, and turned me into a dependent, suffering shell of myself. You took my career, my degree, my relationships, and my freedom. At night after a panic attack you left me crying alone in the bathroom, wondering why you had chosen me, what I had done to deserve such a cruel fate.  I stayed in that state for months. Apathetic, loathing you and loathing myself. I didn’t try to change. You had me beat, convinced that I didn’t deserve a better life, and that even if I did, I wasn’t strong enough to beat you.  But you know what, anxiety? Something changed. I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t hate myself anymore. I am not weak, and I can beat you. There are parts of you that actually help me in life. You let me know when I am getting too in over my head, which was a skill I never…

Words of Freedom
Uncategorized / December 8, 2018

Over a year ago, when I first began having issues with anxiety at work, I wrote a poem. I have always been a writer, and have a certain soft spot for poetry. In that moment, I really wanted to capture what an anxiety attack felt like through writing. I jotted it down on a piece of scrap paper and shoved it into the pocket of my uniform. I forgot about that poem for the most part until months later when I was working for my college’s fine arts magazine. We were doing an open mic, and the head of the magazine wanted me to perform. I knew that I had the piece, but I did not feel comfortable sharing it with my friends from school. At this point no one besides a few close friends knew that I had issues with anxiety. I overcame my nerves and recited the poem to the mostly silent crowd of peers. It was such an empowering moment for me, and one that will stay with me for a very long time. It is so hard to be vulnerable with those who know you, and worries of criticism and hate abound. Yet, once those fears…

Alternate Anxiety Relief Methods
Uncategorized / November 30, 2018

Over my experience with anxiety, I have come across many different alternate ways to combat anxiety. I do not like anxiety medication, nor do I believe in utilizing it most of the time (more on that in a later post!). Therefore, I have gotten a lot of advice from various people and mental health professionals on how to handle anxiety on the daily. Now, before I dig into all of the tools I use, I want to provide one disclaimer. While I do use some of these methods in my day to day life, these are not supposed to replace regular sessions with a mental health professional. I am seeing a therapist weekly in order to make long term progress. I hope that one day I will not need to use any alternate methods, and that I will be able to thrive on my own. However, that is a long road, and for while I am improving myself in the big picture, it is necessary for me to have techniques in place to function. Methods That Did Not Work: *Note: this does not mean that these methods will not work for other people-these are just the ones that did not…

I Never Wanted A Baby….Until I Did
Uncategorized / November 28, 2018

One thing that has always been true about me for everyone that knows me: I do not want children. When I was in early middle school, I had one motto: “I will adopt, why put more children in the world when there are so many without families?” In this period of my life our family were fostering several different children, and I absolutely fell in love with the thought of giving a child a home, when they had never experienced it before. (Disclaimer: this has not changed. I am still obsessed with adoption). I never understood the phenomenon “baby fever”. However, once I moved out of the innocence of being 10-13 years old, my stance changed. I did NOT want children. Pregnancy was gross. You have to have sex. Ew. *Disclaimer, raised (and still am) a Christian, did not have my first official kiss (besides one that lasted .5 seconds) until I was almost 16, and it was with my husband. Sexual thoughts were not on the radar until much, much later. I am weird. It is fine. Something has to grow INSIDE you. As it is growing inside you, it also moves and makes you fat and sick. Sounds…

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